Good Morning Ladies!!!
How are we???? :-)
After 8-9 years of being out of the dating game, I find it difficult to re-enter the scene. One of the reasons I find it extremely difficult has to do with the word "GAME". I am simply too old to be playing games! Why must we as women change who we are to get a date(well a "good" date)? Why must we appear to be weaker than we are? I know, I know the man has to feel wanted and needed. Growing up with a SSBF(Strong Single Black Female) made this task difficult for me in the beginning. Let me stop, I still find this challenging!!! I have to actually think about it as I go through the motions of making the man feel secure. The fact that I am hard headed doesn't help:-)
I blame my mommy....I was her baby and she spoiled me rotten:-) The world was about me until the day her journey on earth ended! Do you know she would worry about me as she laid in the bed slowly slipping away? I would climb in the bed with her every time I drove to Baltimore to see her until her side began to ache. When I could no longer lay beside her, I would pull the chair as close as I could and put my head on her bed as she rubbed my head. This wasn't something we did because she was ill. Throughout my life I would climb in the bed and snuggle with my mommy! We would just talk or enjoy a silent moment together. That was the SAFEST place I could be at any given moment. I didn't have to be strong. I didn't have to be weak. I simply had to be her baby.
I guess that is what I am looking for in a partner, JUST SIMPLY BE ME.....To enjoy the silent moments....To escape reality and enjoy the comfort of his arms. TO FEEL SAFE!! Not judged...No expectations...Just simply be.....
I believe this is why many people stay in the relationship they are in. It's safe. At least you know the person and man the thought of dating is scary!!!!! The thought of starting over again is frightening but I know with God's help all things are possible!
Much Love & Support
MinnieRose3
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Hey Susie I know what you mean, after being out of the game for 16 years, I totally understand. The whole dating game is extremely scary. And you are right why should we have to play the "GAME?"
ReplyDeleteWe know what we want in a man and out of a relationship. When we are honest and up front with men about these things, they either get scared off or they feel it is not in their gameplan so they may play for a while but not for long. The men we seek are out there but we have to patient and wait.
I have prayed and asked God to place the man He has selected for me in my life when He is ready to do so. It has to be in God's time and not mine, for it is His plan I must follow, not my own. After being divorced for a period of time and out of the game for so long, I think my prayers have been answered.
Now I thank God daily for placing that man in my life at this time. I can be ME and I can enjoy the comfort of his arms without any expectations. He makes me feel safe and even if it is only for a season, God has placed him in my life for a reason. I plan on enjoying every moment of it.
One thing I have learned in the dating game is that we as women have to keep our emotions in check. We tend to get wrapped up in our emotions and forget that the other party may not be at the same place in the relationship that we are. Ladies ask questions of your mate, they will answer you!
As I am open and honest with my friend, I was shocked to find out that he is just as scared of the whole dating thing as I am. We are learning to let down the guards and work through the fears by open discussions. A relationship is work, and both people have to be willing to put the effort into it.
Good luck out there in the dating game!
Hi Susie, There are so many obstacles to dating and for me I found that dating right after losing a parent really changed my dating personality and I think that's something that is important to be on the lookout for.
ReplyDeleteI think when you lose someone who is important to you, you not only lose what they were to you but you lose what you were to them. No one else is ever going to view you the same way or find you to be as important as a parent would. After my father passed I found that I was trying to replace that feeling with the man I was dating. I expected to become the most important thing in the world to him because the thought that no man in the world felt like that about me anymore made me feel empty. Of course now that I'm aware of it I don't do it anymore... just another obstacle that I wanted to put out there...
Hi there Ms. MinnieRose3. Dating, relationships and children are 3 of the most difficult yet challenging things in life to deal with. Each one is a test in itself. Dating has a whole dimension in itself. You have to know yourself to date. Not find out who you are.
ReplyDeleteMe and my man live together and to me we are still dating after 6 years. It may not work for others but it is working for me and him. A relationship is a business and marriage is a business and I am taking it as slow as possible. We both are working on ourselves because when we do get married we want to have the same goals for our future.
So if dating for 6 years may be wrong to others, guess what it works for us.
One thing that is missing with people in dating is time. Time to learn you and him.
This post could have not came at a better time! I am currently going thrw a bad break up with a man who simply told me he just didnt care as much as I did and dropped it like it was nothing. Also cheating on me helped him realise I wasnt the one. I cared for over a year and for him to do that broke me. My mother has told me over and over the right man will come in GODs time. I just have to allow it. The other comments written by women have helped. I really enjoy this blog! A lot.
ReplyDeleteChris
http://barecanvas-christine.blogspot.com/